Practical magic

I woke up in Paris on January 1st 2025 feeling empty and heavy. Not the quality of emptiness that I was hoping for and which makes room for new energies to emerge. More like running idle personally and feeling the weight of the world’s suffering. So I sat with this. I no longer override what’s here. I practice welcoming the places that scare me.

Breathing in the emotional, physical and mental contractions. Turning towards them. Charting out the constellations of sensations, narratives and images so I can alchemize this information into practical wisdom.

Contacting what’s underneath these tensions and motions is the way through. Nurturing the tender spots… breathing out… releasing into the wider space. Indulging in a moment of grace. Breathing in… Pausing to find my center.

First finding my length, the seat of our dignity. Next the dimension of width and the relational space. Finally the dimension of depth. Front and back. Where I am coming from; the people at my back, billions of years of evolutionary wisdom while facing what’s ahead. Centering back in my commitments, remembering my joys and what I care about.

Over the past 3 years, I built a soma which has the capacity to trust that these dark nights of the soul are places to cross not to contour. On the other side is tenderness, wild creativity, innovation, lightheartedness and ALIVENESS. If we become skillful at navigating these places, the body and mind soften to let the path unfold without forcing or fixing. Could this be a form of quiet magic?

My 2024 wasn’t epic on the outside and Leo and I have not become 3 yet. What I did though, is entering a new shape. I learn how to stay in my body without dissociating or withdrawing under pressure and how to ground and embody my deepest longings. The latter turned out to be more fun and fulfilling than floating in fantasy land, which had been my comfort zone - a beautiful illusion which had become a deep-seated conditioned tendency.

My relationship with Leo got deeper and sexier. I am grateful we have been able to live between LA, France and Hawaii. I trained in a powerful somatic coaching methodology which produces sustainable transformation, helping me unblock in a way that didn’t feel possible before. I entered a new quality of relationship with my mother. Had very regular cycles and celebrated my body coming fully back to homeostasis after years of chronic health issues. I learned how to experience the divine not as an external force but through the felt sense of being alive.

Another success this year was a new level of presence. Deeper listening, clear seeing, less projecting and performing. The online presence is coming soon…

I engaged in my first silent retreat in the Insights tradition and worked on my first independent commissioned consulting project. I bathed in love and paused to experience the beauty and preciousness of life most days. I didn’t display much of it online but 2024 was a rich year nonetheless.

After a long walk braving winter sharpness, my arm wrapped around Leo’s along the river Seine and a phone conversation with my mother - about the beauty, wisdom and revelations that can be found in surprising, sad, silent, lonely and challenging times - eventually my system found its way back to radiating hope and confidence. Our bodies “magically” ally with us in finding equilibrium and liberation when we turn towards not away.

The truth is I am still digesting last year's wild inner ride. I am dedicating the next few months to integrating the teachings and - in no particular order - sharing reflections as they emerge.